ramblings

wow. i haven't posted in forever. so much has happened since May! We moved to a new house an hour away from all of our friends but are adjusting. Mack turned 2 and is just as wild and crazy as ever. We are having our 3rd baby boy early this spring. this house has been crazy lately and I am trying to harness some of the craziness in before I either end up on bedrest or have a brand new baby added to the mix! but i feel like rambling about something else.......my little mr. max. He is 2. He thinks he is 5 maybe 6. He is very determined in everything that he does. He does not stop - not to eat, not to nap, not even for timeout (which i think he uses as time to think up even worse ways to drive me crazy!!). I don't think he is the typical 2 year old but at the same time besides his energy and curiosity there really isn't anything that atypical about him. but i know people judge him and me. i have seen their glances and heard their smirks and remarks. I just want to yell...."He's 2, he's smart and he is just trying to figure this busy world out". I do punish him - maybe not for every little thing he does that some people would consider "bad" or "wrong" - i am not creating a robot. he is a person and probably going to be a very smart person and i want to give him the freedom to figure it out and to become whatever little man he is destined to be. that being said - he drives me bat shit crazy. he takes everything apart. the insides of the toilet, dvd players, somehow he removed part of the couch this week. he climbs everything - because he can't wait to ask and knows it is faster to just do it himself. i have found him at the very top shelf of his closet ... i have absolutely no idea how in the hell he even climbed up there. i am sure it was ingenious. if i have to go pee, i have to make sure every door is deadbolted shut. he likes to go in the garage, open the garage door and wander about the neighborhood. and usually he is naked because he likes to take his clothes off. the days are long and interesting. but he is happy. and funny. and he loves to snuggle. and he looks up to his big brother. one day i will look back at his craziness and laugh. i try to tell myself that his curiosity, creativity and determination in whatever task he is trying to do is going to be his strongest asset. that is not saying that i do not hope that this little man growing in my belly right now doesn't come out and like to sit still and will play with trains and blocks for hours and never get the bright idea to make himself eggs at 3 a.m. or to fill my tennis shoes with yogurt just to see my reaction. i will cherish those hours of block building too : )

SAHM - say what?

I have been home with my babies for almost 2 1/2 years. but the term stay at home mom seems kind of inaccurate. are there moms that actually stay at home all day with their babies? i have never been so busy in my life. between dash's 2 preschools and playdates - some days we are gone all day long. soon there will be sports practices and games that will add even more to the every day chaos. we have been so busy lately i haven't even checked blogger since February! Today is Dash's last day of preschool at his private school and I am so sad. He had the best first year at school ever. I am so glad that his experience was so positive. he wakes up on the weekend wanting to go to school. this summer will be hard for him - he will miss all his little girlfriends and teachers! Life has been crazy. Mack is almost 2 and finally out of his crazy phase but still wild as ever, at least now he kind of listens and obeys! I can't believe that Mackey is the exact age that Dash was when he was born! I am thankful not to be pregnant or having a new baby arriving in the near future. I don't know how that worked out before - right now it seems like it would be impossible. There are lots of new babies being born to friends and family so I will get my baby fix from them :)

the move.

finally. we have decided to move. move away from this house where we brought our babies home to, where we tried our best to make this little space our own but we are on to bigger and better things. Because of our awesome economy and the wonderful housing market in Florida we are not in a place where we can sell and actual make any money so we are going to rent it to hopefully a family that will love it as much as we used to. After doing some research and talking to a rental real estate agent we are able to rent it for quite a bit more than our mortgage so it just makes sense to hold on to it and hope that eventually the market goes up and we can sell it without losing everything! We looked at some houses this weekend and are going to go look at more tomorrow afternoon. We want a 2 story house (which in Florida isn't the easiest thing to find), we want a pool and we want a suburban neighborhood with excellent schools. Where we live now the public schools are horrible and if we were to stay would have to be paying for private school. The areas where we are looking at are almost the complete opposite of St. Pete. I will miss this area - i love the beaches and love love downtown. but i won't miss all the crazies walking around the streets and running out in front of my car, i won't miss the longest stop lights in the universe, i won't miss our stupid shower with the most unreliable shower pressure or the creepy pool guy who makes awkward conversation with me every Wednesday morning. It is crazy to think that this is actual going to be happening - we had kind of decided that we were stuck here. I am kind of nervous but way more excited about this new chapter!

get moving.

I need to workout. I need to do something for myself that doesn't involve going out for dinner and drinks with my friends. I am kind of lazy and seriously exhausted by the time my kids are in bed that working out almost feels like a punishment. I hate my gym. the daycare is dirty, my kids always get sick there and one of the workers is always eating tuna fish. gross. Apparently Brighthouse Cable has done away with exercise on demand - now i am actually going to have to pay Jillian Micheals to not do her DVD. I wish i could run - but i can't with my asthma flaring up and my lungs feeling like they are going to explode. and dash refuses to sit in a jogging stroller so unless i want to run along side him it isn't a very good option anyways. It's hard to find the motivation. but i hate being fat - even if i am not the fattest mom around, i feel fat and gross and like i always want to have a shirt on. (even if i was skinny i would probably like to have a shirt on too but when i am fat even more so). Occasionaly the thought crosses my mind that it would be easier to get pregnant and be allowed to be fat than to deal with it right now. but i don't want a baby - i have a crazy toddler that keeps me too busy to even freaking do a sit-up. I wish Target sold a liposuction kit - that would solve all my problems.

Perspective.

Today I am joining Shell at http://thingsicantsay.com/ and pouring my heart out. Stop by and check out what other bloggers have to say.


This week a friend's 16 month old baby girl died suddenly. I was at a party when I got the message. My heart literally stopped and all I could think of is that I needed to see my own babies. I was enjoying a day to myself with old friends that I don't see nearly enough but I needed to get home to emerge myself into the everyday chaos. I cannot even imagine what they are going through. It hurts to even think about it.

Mack is at the crazy age that honestly is not my favorite. This week his craziness is definitely being viewed in a different perspective. He is here, he is healthy and his wildness just shows that his brain is working and that is growing into a little man. The messes he makes can easily be cleaned up. I am never going to regret hugging him or snuggling him instead of yelling at him for dumping out the entire bag of goldfish again. We have found that everyone is happier spending the entire afternoon at the playground.

I keep finding myself wishing away this stage - I wish he would listen, I wish he would not climb, I wish he would run slower, I wish he didn't wander into our bed to sleep every night. But I'm trying to change my perspective - he may not listen but he is hilarious and has the funniest facial expressions when he is doing something that he knows he is not supposed to do and he is actually a good climber - he climbed the entire tall curved ladder at the park yesterday - some 3 year olds can't even climb that!, he is fast and when he sprints I can barely catch him but he is strong and able and healthy and I kind of like the midnight snuggles and at least he just walks over now instead of someone having to walk over to his room to get him!

Perspectives change. I remind myself through the day to embrace this stage. to love his craziness. because I cannot even begin to imagine what it would be like if he wasn't here.


Please keep my friend and her family and their sweet angel Caroline in your prayers.

day by day

http://www.thingsicantsay.com/


It is hard some days. Staying home. Trying to enjoy every single second of the very very long days. Not getting angry when the littlest one unscrews every single sippy cup sitting around the house and dumping the contents on the floor. Shouldn't I be amazed at his dexterity and problem solving? Maybe I should be consulting child mountain climbing coaches instead of pulling my hair out and restraining myself every single time my 17 month old climbs up the kitchen cabinets and makes himself a nice bath in the kitchen sink. And maybe I should be glad that he figured out how to get out of his crib and already has made the move to a big boy bed - I wouldn't want to have any struggles switching him later down the road, now he won't even know the difference. But honestly - i wish he wouldn't climb or investigate everything or try to figure out the most messy and annoying thing he can be doing at any given time. I guess I could be one of those mamas that go on about their kids not being allowed television and how it is developing his creativity and independence but honestly I wish he would sit down and watch freakin' Elmo. That would at least give me 60 minutes to clean up the havoc he has already caused in my perfectly clean house in the 45 minutes he has been awake. I guess it is okay to live with tupperware and old mail scattered about the house and scratched Disney DVD's really do make lovely decorations around the floor - at certain times in the day they make rainbows and everyone loves rainbows. (how's that for making lemonade out of a truck load of lemons)But honestly - this age is hard. He's really too little to discipline and bribery doesn't work quite yet. It is easier to not be home these days - home is where the mess is, where the chaos reigns, where my little Mack picks up everything his 3 year old brother does and tries to imitate but always manages to up the danger level one notch. It is easier being at the playground or the mall or Target. He happily stays in his stroller as long as he has a continuous supply of lollipops. Most days my kids are in bed before my husband gets home - so its a long long day. There are days when everyone is happy, the kids are playing together and noone attempts any Jackass-esque stunts that are awesome and make me know we are doing something right but there are other days I have to ask myself if i know what the eff I am doing and if it is too early to have a drink yet. I know one day I will look back at all his shenanigans and laugh but when you are in the midst of it - it is hard to see the humor. I will probably be one of those moms when I am older and tells new moms with little boys in the line at Target to enjoy it because it goes fast - but you can't enjoy it all because a lot of does suck and you just have to go day by day or even some days hour by hour but I still wouldn't change it for anything!

http://www.thingsicantsay.com/

seriously just pee already

We are in the midst of another round of potty training. This is the first time that there haven't been accidents all over my floor or kicking and screaming matches. This is the first time that I am thinking it just might work. Except the kid doesn't pee. He has only had one accident in the last 4 days and that was at preschool where he flat out refused to use their potty. He once went 18 hours without going pee and then he ran full speed onto his little living room potty and pretty much filled that sucker up! he has some fear of different bathrooms - more like he is petrified. I tried to get him to go pee at Marshall's and I had even brought a potty seat he could sit on so it wouldn't be so scary, he freaked the fuck out. like all out kicking his legs and screaming like I was kidnapping him and taking away his lollipop all at the same time. It is so stressful. I feel like I am constantly telling him to try to pee - not that that ever does anything at all. He is 3. He should be potty trained already but every time we have tried it was horrible and all the other "systems" just didn't work for him. He wasn't ready I guess. The fact that he holds his pee for so long makes me think that maybe he isn't quite ready yet either - he still is scared to pee but as long as he isn't having accidents constantly we are going to stick it out. The entire process stresses me out. I am annoyed at hearing myself talk about peeing. We are out of the house a lot during the day and having to worry about him peeing makes it even more difficult. I think potty training might be overrated - diapers are so much more convenient. I hope he will get over his fears in a few days or weeks and we can put this potty training business behind us at least for a few months. I'm going to start working more with Mack more when he is 18 months. He pees probably 50% of the time I put him on the potty so maybe the potty training of kid #2 will be easier. Now I have go and try to get him to pee again because he hasn't peed since 7 last night. I was just googling ways to make a kid go pee ... I am desperate. Anyone have any advice to deal with potty fears?