help.

We have been struggling with Dash's speech delay for almost a year now. Two Early Steps evaluations told us nothing except that he didn't qualify for their therapy. It didn't appear his speech issue was caused by another disorder so they couldn't help him. A week ago we had a speech evaluation at the Children's Hospital - the therapists agreed that he needed therapy, We start in July - 2 days a week until he doesn't need it anymore. There really is no timeframe. I am glad that he will finally be getting the help that he needs. I will be glad when I can understand him without having to guess what he is trying to tell me. I will be happy when the tantrums out of pure frustration taper off. I am glad that he doesn't have another disorder but I really wish the state funded program would have been able to help him. I know kids that recieve speech therapy through Early Steps who speak so much better than Dash - 2 of them even speak both English and Spanish and can be understood pretty easily in either language. I understand Dash maybe 20% of the time - other people probably understand maybe 5%. I guess I don't understand thier criteria or testing methods - he clearly needs help and other people that need help less than him in the area are getting it instead of him. It is frustrating. I am lucky we have good health insurance that will cover his therapy in the most part - but still wish I hadn't wait so long to get a second opinion. I knew he needed therapy - I should have trusted what I was feeling.

chaos

I posted a week ago about macks first steps and everyday he is getting better and taking more steps and a lot of those on his own with prompt from me but some how almost overnight a new chaos has taken over this house. when he is not slowly, caustiously walking - he is crawling at the speed of light or climbing like he is Sir Edmund Hillary (jeopardy fact for you - he was the first to climb mt. everest). seriously - the kid is going to be trouble. Nothing is safe from the Mackster - he will climb couches, coffee tables, pack-n-plays and a whole long list of dangerous things to get what he is after. i thought dash was "high energy" but this little skinny 10 month old is giving him a run for his money. I am kind of getting nervous that he is going to be climbing out of his crib soon - he is pretty close and he gets the most determined look on his face when he is trying. basically it is chaotic in this house - i am constantly chasing after him while he is chasing after dash and trying to imitate things he sees his big brother doing. im tired - part of me will be so glad when this phase is over but the other part of me loves his adventurous, no fear spirit and will miss it a little when he will lay on the couch and watch a movie without doign something that could break his neck. i haev a feeling i will have a while until i have to worry about  that.



trouble.



first steps

Mack took his first steps the other day, 2 days before he turned 10 months old and I was so proud and amazed and kind of nervous about the impending future. That night as I showed my friends and family the video and replayed it like 20 times, i really started to think about what has happening one year ago. I remember all those weeks on bedrest and meetings with doctors and specialists. The one that sticks in my mind the most is when I was 28 weeks and was admitted to the hospital in labor and they didn't know if they could stop it and a neonatologist from the All Children's NICU came over to talk to us about to expect. He went through a list of issues premature babies can have, he went through common procedures and what our stay in the NICU would possibly be like. we were scared. we wanted a healthy baby. we wanted a baby we could take home with us. luckily they got my labor stopped that night and mack waited almost 4 more weeks before he was welcomed into this world. After about a month in the NICU, Mack joined us at home, all 4lbs of him. I was told to use his adjusted birthdate when looking at his milestones he was or wasn't meeting and to expect delays. Mackey must not have gotten that memo : )

It just amazes me to think about how far he has come in such a short period of time. I feel so blessed to have such a healthy and happy little man especially when I think back to that hospital stay in July. Things could have been so different. While first steps are always a huge milestone for all babies - it seems even bigger for a baby that has surpassed such odds. i just love that little man.

what its worth.

I am a pretty cheap person. I only shop the clearance racks. I live for an awesome deal. I will always attempt to fix my plumbing issue or basic home repair by myself before calling in a professional. I research major purchases TO DEATH and always end up making my decision when the perfect deal comes around. That being said - I shop, a lot. If a sale is too good to be true, I buy it - even if I don't really need a 3rd car seat or a new set of china.

My husband is the total opposite. His thinking goes like this - "dash really likes bubbles, maybe i should buy him a bubble machine...hmmm....well there are 15 choices on Amazon, I guess I should be the most expensive one because that means it is the best." I mean every 2 year old really needs a "DJ quality" $150 bubble machine along with a $20 gallon of bubbles. (seriously, who buys $20 bubbles ... I about had a heart attack when I saw that invoice. I could have bought those for $1 at Big Lots.)

There are a few "luxuries" that we allow ourselves and I don't feel one bit guilty and I can rattle off a 10 minute justification of each.

1. Lawn Care - after 5 years in this house, we finally hired a lawn service. I don't know why we didn't do it before. Our weekends no longer have to be spent mowing and trimming and fertilizing. I don't have to worry about the dogs getting chopped up by the mower, as it is their mortal enemy and they attack it and if they aren't participating in the yard work with Brent then they sit by the window and bark - for HOURS.

i'm ferocious .... watch out lawn mower

2. Pool Guy - we did the chemicals and cleaning in our pool for 3 1/2 years and our pool was probably breeding bacteria for that entire time frame. For about $30 less than we were spending every month on chemicals trying to make it usable, a guy comes once a week and cleans it and does the chemicals and it has been usable every day since we hired them. if you have a pool - hire a pool man. seriously.

3. Good Hair Cuts - I don't get my haircut all that often but it is important to me that when I do the person cutting it isn't going to fuck it up. I found my hairstylist right when I moved here and haven't been to anyone else in 5 years. Every year her prices go up and I will just keep paying more because I love her and trust her. She cuts Dash's hair too - for free, so I probably save $20 a month just by knowing her.
                                                  

look how cute he is after his haircut

 

 

 

4. Vacations - I like to travel. I think everyone needs a break from the routine. We are going on our first annual family/friend trip to Tennessee in a couple weeks. One house, 7 bedrooms, 6 families, 5 kids under the age of 4 and apparently my brother is bringing a case of vodka. so it should be an interesting trip. i am excited to see what this trip has in store for us!

losing control ...

my house is a disaster. my laundry pile is out control. i cannot even do the giant ass pile of laundry because all the laundry baskets are filled with clean clothes that have been needed to be put away for a couple of weeks. the kids have been sick. ear infections and stomach flu. dash feels the need to dump buckets of toys out the moment he wakes up.

Our days have been filled with doctor appointments, co-pays, drug store runs, occasional trips to the park and Toy Story 3 practically on repeat. I have projects that need completed but a baby that only wants to be held. so i have lost control and just trying not to drown in the clutter.

On our way to pick up a prescription the other night we went a little out of our way and stopped at the beach. it was needed. puts things in perspective. what matters is so much bigger than the confines of our concrete block house and it's belongings.

the laundry will be done eventually. one day there will be no more little handprints on the mirror and the sliding glass doors. one day the constant "mama" on repeat will be replaced by "shut up, mom". this week i am just letting go of my self set expectations and going to try to focus on getting these boys healthy and keeping them healthy.

Sometimes at the end of a long, hard, stressful day - you just need to put your feet in the sand, smell the saltwater air and watch the sun say goodnight.

           beacause there is always tomorrow. and most things can wait.

where'd my little baby go??

Mackey will be 9 months in a couple of days and in the last few weeks he has decided to grow up. It's hard to believe that this rough and tumble little man spent the first month of his life hooked to machines in a little isolette.

I left Brent at home w/ Mack for 1 hour and came home to my little man sporting a black eye ... not really dad's fault, Max is a daredevil like his brother and attempts to cruise between furniture on his not quite steady legs. so he falls, a lot.

The little man is crawling like a pro but has decided that walking is more his style ....



and did i mention that he is GIANT. We went to the doctor last week for an ear infection and the kid weighs almost 19lbs. At 6 months he was not even 15lbs - so in less than 3 months he has gained 4 lbs. He is bigger than Dash was at his age. Everyone said he would catch up but I really didn't expect him to overnight, literally. He went to bed in a 9 month sleeper that i am pretty sure fit when I put him in it and when he woke up in the morning the arms were WAY too short and his little legs were stuck bended trying to fit in the too small material. Is that even really possible that he grew so much overnight??

His sleep is HORRIBLE right now. I think it is because he wants to be up and moving 24/7 and sleep just isn't his friend right now. We are all tired.

I cannot believe that in 3 months, he is going to be turning 1 and probably running around. I already miss the days of him laying on the floor and not being able to get anywhere. nothing is off limits these days.

                                    "hmm - i think i will dive right into the big pool" - crazy kid. 
I do think that this age is SO much fun, while it is a lot more work, his laughs and smiles make it worth it! I wish I could freeze time for just a little bit and really enjoy this stage before he starts running around and making the transistion from baby to toddler. not ready for 2 toddlers - i can barely handle the one I already have!

judgment ...

I like to think of myself as a very open minded person. I know everyone does things differently and it is not my place to press my views or opinions on to anyone else. I try not to get involved in the petty gossiping that happens in my mom's groups because I'm pretty sure I graduated high school over a decade ago. People are different, financial statuses among friends are not equal and we all come from different places so I am not going to judge someone for their decisions or way of life. If it isn't going to have a direct effect on me or my family, I really don't care. But I have a friend that is starting to get to me with her constant judgment. She actually told me that she didn't think she could be friends with this other mama because they were discussing finances (um, why?) and she found out that her husband only made X amount of dollars(the figure was well above the national average income) and my friend felt that she "was in another place in her life" than the other woman. The woman drove a kind of beat up minivan and she didn't think it was the safest vehicle for her kids, the woman's house was in a kind of older neighborhood and needed a few things fixed that my friend couldn't fathom living without (a dishwasher and water stain on the ceiling). I tried to get to her that money isn't everything and in fact it doesn't say anything about the person - but she just acted as though to her it meant that people were nicer and safer. i know for a fact that the woman in question sends her daughter to an advanced gymnastics school 4 days a week and to a private school - to me that shows that she loves her kids and is putting thier needs and futures above her own. I just don't get the judgment or even the reason behind it.

The same friend was at my home yesterday for a playdate and as always my house is a little bit, um, messy. There are toys thrown about almost every room and it just looks like kids live here. My friend says to me, "if you didn't have so many toys, your house would look cleaner". #1 I didn't ask for her opinion on the cleanliness of my house, #2 i like buying toys and for my kids to have things to do during the day.  So I was already annoyed when she starts on her next tangent. Some background, we live in an older ranch house, built in the 70's and we chose the house after a whirlwind 24 hour house search 5 years ago, basically it was the best out of the worst before we had to move down here. I do not love it but it is our home until we can sell it. okay. She was walking around and looking at our ceilings and started asking me in her "I am just curius" kind of way - "why did you put your ceiling fans up so the cords are not inside the wall" (our fans all have cords that just plug into the wall - they are held to the ceiling and wall by these cord cover things - not the most beutiful thing but it covers it.) um - I didn't build this house lady, i wasn't even born when this hosue was build, i don't know why they didn't put them in the wall? then she says - well you really should have that fixed. WTF - do i come over to her house and tell her the indoor/outdoor carpet she has in her sons room is ugly or that the sliding glass door in her daughters room is probably the first place a robber would enter or that i think her husband is the biggest tool i have ever met in my life. (ok - so maybe i do judge, but i keep it to myself) To finish the day, she said "oh this is a lot of furniture in mack's room - why do you have 2 bookshelves in here"  --- i know that there is too much in there but i just moved this giant shelf out of the living room and that was the only place to put it and kind of busy with the rest of my life to worry about a room I am in for 6 minutes every day. I told her that she was being rude and left the room. I am still mad and pretty sure I am never inviting her over again. She probably went and told everyone i am white trash. (maybe i am - my freakin tooth just broke off while I was writing this - i guess that is why i dont talk about people, i am being punished. i H.A.T.E the dentist.)