Wednesday, August 31, 2011
what is wrong with me? I have 2 little boys and have no business thinking about having another baby right now. Dash is almost 3 and Macks just turned 1. I DO NOT need a baby - i have 2 already. But Dash is getting so big - he started school, he is talking so much better and he is pretty much just an awesome kid. Mackey is a toddler and being his adventurous self and I cannot imagine not going through all those exciting first things again - the first smile, laugh, rolling over, crawling and walking. I like that they are close together. I don't want to start back with baby stuff after the boys are older. I don't want to be done with diapers only to start them again. I don't want to have to give all these baby toys away only to buy them again 3 years later and my house is way too small to store them for any length of time. I hate that the main reason I feel like I need to wait to start trying is because my pregnancy are high risk and I most definitely will end up on bed rest at some point. Mack still needs to me to be active and he hasn't yet figured out how to sit still to watch even 10 minutes of TV. It wasn't fair to Dash for me to be stuck in bed for months and then in the NICU when he was still so little. I have to wait - I know I do and I will but some days when I see newborn babies I can't help but want my own or when I go to Target and every single person is pregnant but me. or when I see my OB at the mall and she asks when I am having my next? I have stuff I want to do this year ... I am planning a trip to the UK to visit my little sister in the early spring and if I was pregnant it would mess everything up. Logically I know I have to wait - at least another year but some days I wish it would just happen and we would all be surprised and say it was meant to be. But unless I am the .01% that get pregnant with an IUD than I am just going to have to wait. In the meantime I will just live vicariously through my pregnant friends and enjoy drinking a beer after a stressful day.