judgment ...

I like to think of myself as a very open minded person. I know everyone does things differently and it is not my place to press my views or opinions on to anyone else. I try not to get involved in the petty gossiping that happens in my mom's groups because I'm pretty sure I graduated high school over a decade ago. People are different, financial statuses among friends are not equal and we all come from different places so I am not going to judge someone for their decisions or way of life. If it isn't going to have a direct effect on me or my family, I really don't care. But I have a friend that is starting to get to me with her constant judgment. She actually told me that she didn't think she could be friends with this other mama because they were discussing finances (um, why?) and she found out that her husband only made X amount of dollars(the figure was well above the national average income) and my friend felt that she "was in another place in her life" than the other woman. The woman drove a kind of beat up minivan and she didn't think it was the safest vehicle for her kids, the woman's house was in a kind of older neighborhood and needed a few things fixed that my friend couldn't fathom living without (a dishwasher and water stain on the ceiling). I tried to get to her that money isn't everything and in fact it doesn't say anything about the person - but she just acted as though to her it meant that people were nicer and safer. i know for a fact that the woman in question sends her daughter to an advanced gymnastics school 4 days a week and to a private school - to me that shows that she loves her kids and is putting thier needs and futures above her own. I just don't get the judgment or even the reason behind it.

The same friend was at my home yesterday for a playdate and as always my house is a little bit, um, messy. There are toys thrown about almost every room and it just looks like kids live here. My friend says to me, "if you didn't have so many toys, your house would look cleaner". #1 I didn't ask for her opinion on the cleanliness of my house, #2 i like buying toys and for my kids to have things to do during the day.  So I was already annoyed when she starts on her next tangent. Some background, we live in an older ranch house, built in the 70's and we chose the house after a whirlwind 24 hour house search 5 years ago, basically it was the best out of the worst before we had to move down here. I do not love it but it is our home until we can sell it. okay. She was walking around and looking at our ceilings and started asking me in her "I am just curius" kind of way - "why did you put your ceiling fans up so the cords are not inside the wall" (our fans all have cords that just plug into the wall - they are held to the ceiling and wall by these cord cover things - not the most beutiful thing but it covers it.) um - I didn't build this house lady, i wasn't even born when this hosue was build, i don't know why they didn't put them in the wall? then she says - well you really should have that fixed. WTF - do i come over to her house and tell her the indoor/outdoor carpet she has in her sons room is ugly or that the sliding glass door in her daughters room is probably the first place a robber would enter or that i think her husband is the biggest tool i have ever met in my life. (ok - so maybe i do judge, but i keep it to myself) To finish the day, she said "oh this is a lot of furniture in mack's room - why do you have 2 bookshelves in here"  --- i know that there is too much in there but i just moved this giant shelf out of the living room and that was the only place to put it and kind of busy with the rest of my life to worry about a room I am in for 6 minutes every day. I told her that she was being rude and left the room. I am still mad and pretty sure I am never inviting her over again. She probably went and told everyone i am white trash. (maybe i am - my freakin tooth just broke off while I was writing this - i guess that is why i dont talk about people, i am being punished. i H.A.T.E the dentist.)