why is it so hard to find really really good ones - like the kind that will drop everything for you, the kind that just drop by to hang out, the kind that i wish could be there when my babies are born, the kind where I can be 100% myself and not have to worry - the best friend forever kind of friend. I am lucky to have a few of these people in my life but they all live a plane ride away. They can't just drop on by and drink diet cokes all afternoon while our kids play in the backyard because they are 6 states in the way. I have to settle for daily or weekly phone calls in between playdates and Target trips. I look forward to trips up north a couple times of year so we can just hang out and it always is just like it used to be. Its like the moment we get together even though there are kids and husbands and whatnot - we are almost the same people we were all those years before when we met. Maybe it is because there has been all those years, all those memories and stories. Maybe it is because I met them when I was younger, in high school and college, and the connection was easier and stronger. I dont know. I wish I had someone in my life like that, that lived 5 minutes away. I am so grateful for the friends I do have here - and they each have a spot in my heart but it just doesn't feel the same. I feel like I have to clean up my house before they stop by and I know I am not 100% myself around them. I am more reserved, more cautious of the things I say. I dont think that any of them would want to come over at 4 in the afternoon and have a beer with me after a long day - and in fact I don't ask. Maybe they would. I am just missing the connection - the don't have to try kind of feeling, the falling down laughing at the stupidest thing, the looks that say a million words and don't need to be interpreted. sometimes i wish we would move back to Chicago, closer to those people and we could raise our babies together but that is never going to happen so I need to try to forge a connection here. maybe i should just be glad for the friends I have and give the relationships time but its just not the same and it never will be. maybe since I am thinking about it I should take the time to tell those BFF kind of friends how important they are to me becuase its probably been a long time, if not forever since I did.